Before even stepping foot into this mess, I need to thank the following people: wincy of iloveayu.com, misa, and walking.proud. I decided to take the influx of photos pouring in, chronicling this new and as-yet-untitled or even announced album’s promo materials, and make a picspam from the eyecandy. I also really like staring at these photooooosss.

I hope that by providing some commentary, I’ll get some of you up to speed where you might not otherwise necessarily know what the hell is going on in Ayu-land.

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I’m starting with the TL;DR version, because some of you may not know this, but I’m a strong proponent of Gonzo Journalism and I like to chronicle entire trips when I chronicle events. Therefore, to put it shortly, Muse in Duluth on 2-27-2010 were…let’s see…what were they, Johnny?

YES. YES THEY WERE.

Now, if you want to read about how Pink Wota went, saw, got our faces rocked off, and in the process had horrible sinus colds and/or trouble navigating Duluth and I-75, read on.

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In my entry directly preceding this one, I waxed influential on the title of Ayumi’s upcoming tour: ‘Rock’n'Roll Circus’. Well, as truehappiness and a few more of you know, I lurk at AHS, and check the damned site at least once a day when news is steady, once every couple of days otherwise. I’m there a lot. A LOT. I’m in ur forum, reading ur posts. And I have this to say:

STOP IT. ALL OF YOU. STOP IT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.

Were I to say this on the forum (which is why I never do), I’d be torn several new ones by people telling to me to chill out or calm down, that other people are only stating their opinions.

“She’s ripping off Britney Spears” is not an opinion. It is a judgmental statement with little to no music history knowledge behind it. Yes, the “Circus” theme was done last year with not only Britney’s album and tour, but also Koda Kumi’s ‘TRICK’.

But dear Cheez-Its Cry, really?

THIS LOOKS 'SHOPPED.

Bring forth the following offenders:

• Argent – 1975 – “Circus”
• Erasure – 1987 – “The Circus”
• Lenny Kravitz – 1995 – “Circus”
• Eraserheads – 1994 – “Circus”
• Take That – 2008 – “The Circus”

…and that’s just the albums. You can also count things like KISS’ “Psycho Circus” (oh wow, that takes me back) and stuff like T-Pain’s 2008 “3 Ringz”. If you’re going to do that, let’s just extend it to every album that used ‘Carnivalee’ font. We’d be here for pages and pages.

In 2009, Britney was not the only one with a circus-themed tour. Madonna brought out the whips and aerial tricks for the “Sticky and Sweet” Tour, and Pink continues to dazzle (as on Grammy night) with the “Funhouse” tour (see above: albums that used ‘Carnivalee’ font). However, Pink went on record stating that she “regrets” having done a circus theme, stating further: “”Had I known that certain other people were going to base their latest thing about circus things, I probably would have went into another direction. I was six months before that and didn’t really understand that it was a trend that was happening. I’m pretty out of the loop.”

That was way back in the ancient history of 2009.

But let’s look at Ayumi’s track history of setting/following trends, especially when it comes to her idols. Most especially when it comes to Madonna. Most most especially when it comes to the “Drowned World” tour/”Arena Tour 2002″ snafu that even most Ayu fans will shy away from discussing. I once found a very edifying page comparing Madonna’s influence with Ayumi’s homages, which, though informative, sometimes stretched for comparisons in order to call Ayumi a “copycat”. Now, I’m not saying she is. I am saying that if you’re a fan of Madonna’s and have followed her tours through the 90’s and 00’s, you understand what I say when I simply state that Ayumi takes a lot of inspiration from her chief idol. That “lot” should be said with the sort of keening importance reserved for saying that Bayonetta’s character design took a lot of inspiration from Sarah Palin.

Dear fuck, I mentioned Sarah Palin on my blog. Time to bleach this post by getting back on topic:

Ayumi unapologetically borrows concepts and themes from the Queen of All Pop – sort of makes sense, though some of her blatant rips make me cringe. I certainly doubt she’s borrowing from Britney, T-Pain, or Koda Kumi.

That said, the performance of ‘STEP You/EnergizE’ from CDL 09-10 certainly seemed to be indicative of things to come.

FWIW, I love this logo.

I won’t say “poor Ayu”, because that is far from the truth. But I’m absolutely appalled at “fan” reaction sometimes. And it’s not just the spate of Britney and Kuu comparisons with this latest announcement. It’s just that fans are so starved for information and have so little else to do that they spew comments that devalue the artist herself. Saying that titles don’t sound “Ayu-like”, what the flying fuck is that about.

I certainly wasn’t thrilled with titles like ‘Bold & Delicious’, ‘Load of the SHUGYO’, or ‘Mirrorcle World’ (which I still want to shoot in the non-existent face for being harder to pronounce than some of the German vocabulary I’m currently studying), but you’ve got to either accept what the artist has to hand to you and allow the product to sway you (I love all three of the above songs – yes, one is an interlude, but it rocks), or admit that the artist has jumped the shark for you and it’s no longer time to play in that sandbox.

For my own part, I was wild about 311 in high school. I proudly proclaimed them my favorite band, went to see them live twice before I could even drive for myself, and was invited to see them again for my birthday a couple of years back, but declined. Why did I decline? Because, beginning with “Evolver”, 311 became uninteresting to me.  I was simply obsessed with them, before, and this on the cusp of my internet days (1995-2000 is when my 311 love peaked). I bought their VHS that came with a limited edition CD, and even begged my mom for her credit card so I could order the ‘Omaha Sessions’ CD from their official fan club site.  I remember listening to ‘Right Now’ as I watched the fireworks go off on New Year’s Eve, 1999. That’s the sort of shit that makes a band your favorite. I loved them, their lyrics resonated with me, but as I entered my mid-twenties all that began to fizzle. The old stuff is still around for me to love as I jam to ‘Don’t Stay Home’ and ‘Do You Right’ in my car on the way to work, but I couldn’t even tell you the names of songs from their latest album. I do remember shelving it at work, noticing it was a new 311 CD, and muttering “that’s a shame.”

I’ll still gladly support other fans, but I’m not a fan anymore. I don’t hang around publicly saying that they’ve let me down because they haven’t, since 2002, produced anything worthy of my time or money. I’ve just…moved on.

To Asian girls in skimpy outfits, yes, but also to things like Muse and metal, so shut your mouth. It’s more lateral than you think.

If you’ve moved on, move on. If Ayu isn’t making music, videos, or anything that pleases you anymore, take solace in an artist who does. Go enjoy art for what it is supposed to be – an experience. If all you’re experiencing is horror at what you perceive to be poor decisions, maybe you’re just not a fan anymore.

And that’s okay.

I know I sound a bit wishy-washy, considering my own criticisms of Ayumi, but even through the rough patches I’ve not stopped supporting her. As the Lord (Jagganath) himself recently commented regarding H!P vs. AKB48: “If H!P goes down, so does my fandom.” Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead, SAMURAI! SAMURAI!

It’s okay to gracefully step away from an idol you believe has fallen from grace, but there’s really no graceful way to shit on everything he or she does. You just come off sounding like a twat. I understand that this is the internet, and sounding like a twat is basically a part-time job for some of you lot, but seriously. Grow up.

Let’s continue to be psyched out of our minds for this album, and refrain from tearing apart every aspect of her 2010 year as it is announced.

Well, this is breaking new ground, at least where a stylistic possibility is concerned.

To what do I refer?

This is what everyone is thinking:

or better yet:

But what truehappiness and a few others had the insight to point out directly following the announcement, and what immediately came to MY mind, was this:

Let’s see. Ayu has become a spokesperson for Rimmel, touting the “London Look”. She flew to London for her latest PV shoots. She has been photographed (nicely, as a change of pace) for SCawaii’s February issue wearing 1970’s Brit-rock influenced ensembles (even sporting St. George’s Cross on her skirt, but looking very much like a swanky rocker in this shot particularly:

How many more shades of “obvious” does this need to be? Of course, no one can be 100% visionary when it comes to this, but it would seem that the title of the tour and (ostensibly, if tradition will hold) the forthcoming album harken back to none other than Ayumi’s rock and roll influences. What I consider to be the most firmly pointed finger in this whole frenzy, however, is the fact that Ayumi recorded her London sessions at Metropolis Studios. The Rolling Stones, and Mick Jagger as a solo musician, have also recorded there. As have Madonna and Michael Jackson. I’m just saying, Ayumi may have been seeking a musical mecca when she sought out Metropolis.

I, for one, can’t wait for this Rock’n'Roll Circus. Knowing already that (perhaps – who knows?) tracks like ‘Sunrise/Sunset’, ‘You were…’, ‘BALLAD’, and ‘RED LINE’ will be included makes me interested to see just how “rock” she can take it from here, but if the extremely LQ preview of ‘Microphone’ in the latest Honda Spark commercial proves to be a valid lead, this shit is, indeed, gonna rock.

The Tour begins on April 4th. It’s as likely as anything else that we’ll be seeing the 11th album from Ayumi Hamasaki within the next two months.

Here’s hoping for a rocking 2010, Ayu.

Interviewer: “Did you think you had any chance of winning?”

Robert Downey Jr.: “Of course I did. I always do. If I’m not in my own corner, why should anyone else be?”

AND NOW, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE MOST SELF-IMPORTANT BLOGGER OF HER GENERATION:

…because then Tsunku forces you to graduate and “pursue modeling”, that’s why.

Perhaps I sound like some flailing would-be Nostradamus for this one, but as my previous posts on Reimagining Sub-par Ayumi Hamasaki Videos have indicated, I like to imagine different videos for good songs, okay? And I always thought that the video for ‘Osaka koi no Uta’ was woefully lacking, as stunning as that song is. What did I imagine in its place? A fashion/runway/photoshoot/make-up theme.

I am not even kidding, I’ve had this fake concept for like three years, and then the costumes come out for ‘Onna ga Medatte Naze Ikenai’ and everyone is comparing them to ‘Osaka koi no Uta’. Gotta admit, I’ll take that comparison. And then…THEN….the PV preview dropped, as did my jaw. This is pretty much the concept I’d been wanting!

A concept that would have been right in place with the dwindling but still-ample budget of Morning Musume PV’s during the transitional 6th-to-7th generation. Whereas the “we’re not going to really light anything, so just use your imagination” PV for ‘Osaka koi no Uta’ could be exactly what I was expecting here.

Don’t get me wrong, though. ‘Nanchatte Renai’, for all its (imo) flaws, had great lighting and camerawork, too. I still say ‘Shouganai Yume Oibito’ was a gorgeous video. ‘Kimagure Princess’ and ‘Naichau Kamo’ suffered from the same problem as most C-ute videos: lack of scope. But here comes ‘Onna ga Medatte Naze Ikenai’ down the line, and…what’s this…?

RACK FOCUS. TRACKING SHOT. AMAZING LIGHTING. THE GIRLS WORKIN’ IT. lack of Koharu, sniff. COLOR. IT LOOKS GLOSSY AND CLASSY AND FIERCE.

This is the mature, self-aware, well-marketed Morning Musume I never saw in 2010.

Well played, Tsunku, well played. Now, the question: was it all waiting for Koharu’s departure? Because I think the girl would have slipped right into a more mature look (even though those costumes make you think “there is no fucking way this is a mature video lawl” NO IT SERIOUSLY IS), but the timing would prove otherwise. Sure she got to be in the ‘Kimagure T&A’ video, but that was just…baffling. Still very baffling, what they were trying to accomplish with that one.

For reference, here is the video, albeit still pretty LQ:

Everyone is staggeringly beautiful, with the exception of Aika, who has no big sexy lips to pout, and would be better suited working with Hagiawara Mai in a new unit for Large Heads.

And oh, my. The transformation of Gaki-san from the last single to this one. I was beginning to think we’d lost her, that she was just turning to a skinny girl with a very pointy face, but NO!! This is the Gaki I know and love and….other things. GAKI. Fuckin’ KAMEI, too.

But mostly, ladies and gentlemen, the Pandas. LinLin obviously owns that runway. Miss J Alexander would approve. And we think that’s it until JUNJUN comes marching in, her legs get their own close-up, and she just throws fierce all over that camera lens. Hot damn, gurl, you fine.

Gaki, Sayu, Kamei and Aika are all obviously sabotaged by terrible direction of how to pose at the end of the runway, unless they think that’s really how models pose at the end of a runway, in which case:

But this is just focusing on the particulars. This video, in general, leaves me feeling happy for Morning Musume. That maybe they’ve found that magical niche after a year of flailing around and trying to locate it. I really hope this single does well on the charts, as the video is fucking FIERCE and it’s not like AKB48 picked a salacious follow-up to ‘RIVER’ or anything (I like it, okay, but….yeah).

Hopefully I can update this with screenshots, but that’s all dependent on how soon I can get a copy.

P.S. The line where they all go “MY FACE!” still cracks my shit up.

What is there, really, to say, argue, or critically analyze about an SNSD song? Sure, until the MV comes out we can talk all we want about how it sounds this way or that way, but in the end, ‘OH!’ is just as catchy as anything we’re wont to hear from the SME ennead.

The thing that really matters here, let’s face it, are thighs and dance moves. In other words, a great MV.

I think this is a great MV.

But don’t trust me on that. Let’s go to the screencaps. I took…too many. I want to share them. You can click on each screenie for the HUGE VERSION. I just wanted this post to look nice and neat as you scrolled through, because I can understand how 75+ caps at over 1000px wide can seem sort of daunting, especially with my layout that loves to fuck up margins and squish up photos.

Sorry about the screencapping program watermark on top of most of them. I know how to turn that off but by the time I was finished capping I realized I hadn’t. You can deal with it. >:|

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Ayumi in 2001

I’m watching Stadium Tour 2002 right now. I’m watching Ayumi Hamasaki, looking naturally gorgeous and well-appointed in a pseudo-Western leather outfit. She’s taking the stage from left to right and back again, spinning, dancing, singing her heart out. She never misses a beat, a pitch, a chance to pump the crowd (but never at the sake of the song). She improvises and plays to the camera. She is smiling, she is winning, she is dripping sweat by the third song but she is radiant with confidence and star power.

It’s a very elaborate concert, but it is like nothing we have seen from Ayumi since. Stadium Tour 2002, you see, allowed for one key thing: Ayumi’s movement as a performer and a singer.

As a singer.

I’m reading new updates at J-Cast and Livedoor. I’m remembering her public apology for the recent performance of ‘evolution’ at Music Festival. The Japanese media is finally pulling back the gag on trash-talking Ayumi, and no one seems afraid, anymore, to shout that the Emperor has no clothes, or, in this case, the Empress has no voice.

I’m watching Stadium Tour 2002 again. Several minutes of the inter-cut documentary footage have passed, and she is performing ‘Whatever’ in a scant and understated outfit. She is letting her ferocity as a performer speak for itself, allowing for her voice to make the statements, not her fashion or her trove of dancers. She is owning the stage.

There is so much movement, so much raw power to this concert.

I want to turn to Countdown Live 09-10 again. I want to wonder. I want to ask myself why I’m accepting “the best of 2009″ from Ayumi and thinking it’s okay in comparison to this, to seven years ago, to something amazing. A time I can never go back to.

On a personal note, I think it is because, in the back of my mind, I don’t want to believe that I never had the chance to see Ayumi Hamasaki live while she was still the fiercest singer in Japan.

She is singing ‘monochrome’ in 2002 and it sounds a thousand times better live than it does on record. I switch to the album cut for a moment, to remind myself. Ayumi on record in 2001 sounds staid, held back. On stage, in 2002, she is booming and holding on to each note. That voice. That singer. Where did that singer go?

I often tout Arena Tour 03~04 as Ayumi’s best. And it really is. It combined the singer with the show-woman that Ayumi has become. It defined her at a perfect point between two eras, while she still had the vocal chops and had not yet resigned to style over substance.

There is nothing wrong with style. I am a strong proponent of Arena Tour 2006, which seems to be as far as she was willing to go with over-the-top. Look at the performances for ‘alterna’, ‘STEP You/Ladies Night’, and ‘Bold & Delicious’, just to name a few. AT06 was a blisteringly stylish affair. There was flash to spare, and yes, her voice was still holding up. It was in the early stages of deterioration, but it was still strong, and it helped that the songs of ‘(miss)understood’ were tailored to her deeper, richer sound.

How much is too little?

She is standing still more than ever. In performances such as last month’s Countdown Live, she could barely move without straining her voice. As I watch her in 2002, she is moving wildly from song to song, around and around the stage, unburdened by costume changes for every two songs, unburdened by an obviously absent vocal range.

I am not happy about this. But I refuse to live in denial. I quote Ayumi herself:

“I have to sing these songs, I have to transmit these songs. That is the meaning of my existence, and I want to continue working hard so I can have a stage where I can feel at ease and have fun.”

I refuse to be in denial, but I will not refuse to admit that it breaks my heart. This woman remains my idol. Even as I watch performers like Beyonce and Lady Gaga and wonder “Ayumi. Honey. Why can’t you do that? Why can’t you be a fierce actress and rock the stage during every song like they do?”, I have to remember: Ayumi was a singer, first, a singer foremost. Watching Stadium Tour 2002 reminds me, as the sky darkens and she rushes the catwalk to sing ‘independent’. Then she takes the stage in that iconic Union Jack sequined dress, belting out ‘Free & Easy’ and making the hairs on my arm rise.

She has very little makeup on, and what is there just enhances her natural beauty. No wigs. No pre-recorded video segments to set the stage. No gigantic dress is needed to enhance a powerful ballad. The powerful ballad is the thing. It is not the accessory to the style.

When did it all go wrong? Here she is, in 2002, completely alone, all 5 feet and 1 inch of her, commanding a packed stadium in Tokyo on a hot summer night.

Re-evaluating is not a thing I like to do. I like to root for my idols, I live to root for my idols, and Ayumi Hamasaki is an idol I hold as dear as I hold some family members. She has treated me, as a fan, with respect and unbridled desire to please for so many years now, but…somewhere along the line, it all went wrong.

What you compensate with says everything about what you are compensating for. We have not been treated to an intimate, dancer-free, stripped-down and vocally-driven Ayumi Hamasaki performance to blow us away since 2006, and even that was just the encore.

I adore and still hold up the 2008 performance of ‘A Song for XX’ at a-nation as a magnificent moment for Ayumi, but with almost two years passed to reflect on it, I realize that it was less of a return to power than it was a resolution to fight.

Ayumi is not giving up. Ayumi will not give up. And I will not give up on her.

She follows ‘Free & Easy’ with ‘M’. Just a woman, her mic stand, and her incredible voice. Not Utada Hikaru, not YUI, not Namie Amuro. Different in every way, singing the hell out of a song she not only wrote, but also composed. Where did this woman go?

I am somber, as I watch Stadium Tour 2002, now, in 2010. At the risk of using a very similar word, I am also sobered to the fact that the Empress has no voice.

She casts her eyes skyward as the now-classic piano strains begin. She sings, with a voice that is no worse for wear from the two songs she just nailed to the stage:

“In a nonexistant place
I stand as I am.
Please be yourself.
That’s how I want you to be.”

It’s my favorite line from ‘SURREAL’, and one of my favorite Ayumi lyrics of all time. She is being lifted above the crowd in a cherry-picker, but the way she reaches over the barriers, it seems more that she is in a cage that is only barely doing its job of keeping her from physically imposing upon the audience the message of her lyrics.

By now, in any other Ayumi concert since 2003, it would be easy to imagine ourselves 6 costume changes in, as she sings ‘HANABI’ and a young dancer performs one of his first flaily solo dances in an Ayumi concert, his hair rather normal and wearing standard jeans and a white tank top.

It’s like watching a bizarro version of Ayumi Hamasaki. The carnivale-inspired costumes and opulence of the final set are familiar now, yes, but by today’s standards they seem absolutely tame, downright “boring” against giant stage mechanics, fountains, and rotating platforms.

Ayumi is singing every word of ‘Boys & Girls’. It was a lovely gesture to the fans in 2002 when, during the final chorus, they were asked to join in, but the mixing of the DVD is superb in showcasing Ayumi’s vocals rather than the crowd’s – if you compare 2002 to 2005, hardly anyone from the crowd joined in. Now, the crowd is a crutch during ‘Boys & Girls’, and is indicative of a larger problem. Listening to her sing every word of this song is downright odd.

Fireworks go off around the stadium, lighting up the Tokyo sky when she is finished.

I want fireworks to go up for Ayumi the singer again. I love her as a singer first, as a singer foremost. If we are to take her at her word, she will continue to sing as long as people will listen. I will continue to listen, but I have to wonder when it will be beyond criticism, when we will officially pass into the era of Ayumi the celebrity, of knowing simply who she is rather than what she is currently responsible for in the music world.

If scuttlebutt is any indicator, that era has come. But I believe in ‘You were…/BALLAD’, especially in ‘RED LINE ~for TA~’.

Give me a good concert again, Ayumi, or refuse to put yourself in the position of ridicule. This is something I have absolutely no desire to snark over. You are my heroine, my goddess, and my inspiration. I will always be listening, but right now it is comparable to watching Kerri Strug make an Olympic vault on a broken leg. Only, Ayumi…you’re not in the running for a gold medal.

“Please be yourself.
That’s how I want you to be.”

I feel bad. :(

I’ve been listening to AKB48 (even though I’m NO CLOSER TO BEING ABLE TO TELL EVERYONE APART – I need to be in the Idol Special Ed classes, seriously…) and K-Pop so often lately, I’ve been totally neglecting all the new H!P shit. I don’t mean that it’s all shit, literally. I mean, some of it really is, or maybe just aspects of it, but I like to throw that word around a lot. Understand that. YOU’RE NEW HERE, AREN’T YOU? Shit. See, there I go again.

Anyway, instead of giving boring reviews of songs, talking about how much I love harmonicas and hate those little bleepy parts that make ‘Bye! Bye! Bye!’ sound like your mp3 is skipping, I decided to go back to my roots and review some COVERS. FUCK YEAH, COVERS, I CAN REVIEW THE HELL OUT OF THOSE. H!P has always been an easy target where covers are concerned:

It's been what? Three years? I STILL WANT TO PUNCH THIS COVER IN ITS GODDAMN FACE. "Everyone get dressed in the dark, wander in, look as awkward as possible...don't worry, we'll add a background in post." WHEN EVEN MIKI LOOKS UGLY IN YOUR COVER, YOU'VE FAILED AT COVER.

So, what about Sumpin New? There is never a lack of newness to snark on in the Hello!Universe, so here we go.

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Since I spent my New Year’s Day working and then waching the two television broadcasts I’d been waiting FOREVER to see, it seems fitting that I put both the review together, here. I was just going to put them up here without any pics, but sucks to that, and your ass-mar (tits or gtfo, amirite?). I’ll just put whatever pics I can find. It’s cool! I can do zat!

Anyway, if you haven’t seen Doctor Who’s Christmas Special for 09-10, ‘The End of Time’, in its entirety, don’t read this. It will really confuse and/or spoil you (both would be hilarious). If you haven’t seen Ayumi’s Countdown Live My Titles Continue to Get Longer and Longer 09-10 ~FUTURE CLASSICS~ who gives a shit, no one cares about being spoiled on that. In fact, I think the Ayumi fan community eats spoilers for breakfast. They eat HATING ON AYUMI for lunch. I am part of the Ayumi fan community. I do not hate her. But I will give honest criticism.

Also, I’m sick as fuck and feeling very cheeky, so be prepared.

I wrote these this morning, who am I kidding. I’m only going through and adding pictures and other observations, durpity durp durp.

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